'Somewhere' Man

My friend Derrick lived at the Chateau Marmont for about a month, back in the 1990s. He had one of the garden cottages, tucked past the pool. It had a living room, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom, all very low-key homey, though. Old tile, original fixtures, kind of old money utilitarian, not the uptighty-whitey, breath-holding vibe of modern hotels. The Chateau was/is the kind of private place someone rich and famous could live at and be relatively unmolested, or consensually molested, if one so desired. It's also the setting of Sofia Coppola's new film, Somewhere.

The film begins with a metaphor: a fancy black sports car being driven in circles, coming in and away from the frame, on a track in the middle of nowhere. From the car emerges Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff), Somewhere's directionless protagonist.

As much of a character in this film as the elegant, but sterile, high-rise of the Park Hyatt Tokyo was in Lost in Translation, the Chateau is home to Johnny, whom one can charitably assume is between gigs, much as one can assume about Stephen Dorff, an actor who has been in few films of any discernible quality. He's like Kiefer without a 24 under his belt. Let's call him Kiefer-Lite.

Kiefer-Lite falls down the stairs in the Chateau's lobby and unenergetically breaks his arm (whereas Real Kiefer wrestles Christmas trees in London hotel lobbies when he raises hell). Kiefer-Lite spends his days smoking and his nights being visited in his room by twin pole dancers (and falling asleep during their performance), and seducing women (and falling asleep, mid-lick). (Johnny's is the same room Benicio del Toro, in a sublime elevator cameo, says he met Bono in.)

Kiefer-Lite has a nice 11-year-old daughter named Cleo (Elle Fanning), who comes to visit him periodically, and then for a bit longer as her one-scene mother has some kind of melt-down that requires more me-time and conveniently forces Johnny to spend more time with his daughter. To call it quality time would be a stretch, although Cleo seems well-adjusted (she makes her dad and uncle eggs Benedict in the tiled kitchen) or maybe she has realistically low expectations for her addled father.

Kiefer-Lite goes to a press junket/photo shoot across town, where he gets verbally bitch-slapped by his former co-star (and lover). He and Cleo go to Milan for him to accept an award on a ludicrous Italian TV show (although the idea that Kiefer-Lite needs a police escort from the airport to the hotel is even more absurd). Once again he is accosted by a former co-star/lover. And so it goes.

I'm not sure what Somewhere is meant to be about. Criticizing a Sofia Coppola movie for being ephemeral would be like criticizing the Farrelly brothers for being scatological. (Clearly I wasn't the only one struggling to get a handle on Somewhere, as in the bathroom of the Hollywood theater where the film was playing, I overheard two lissome cineastes likening it to Fellini's 9 1/2. Somehow, I managed to clap a hand over my mouth in time.) Somewhere has some interesting moments/vibes, but nothing that would want to make me watch it again, whereas Lost in Translation is one of my favorite films of the last 10 years.

I've heard people complain that Lost in Translation isn't really about anything, but I couldn't disagree more. It's a film about coming to terms with marriage, the "translation" of adult love. Bill Murray's Bob is 25 years in and Scarlett Johansen's Charlotte a mere two, but both are struggling with their marriages in different ways. There is a real tenderness between Bob and Charlotte, a true connection that seems to be missing from all the relationships in Somewhere. And there's Bill Murray, who has hit his stride as an actor in films off the beaten path (especially in this film and his multiple works with Wes Anderson). It's as impossible to imagine Lost in Translation without Bill Murray as it is impossible to not imagine that Somewhere might have been a better movie with someone other than Stephen Dorff in the lead. I wonder what Kiefer Sutherland's up to these days?